May I: Thoughts

Walking into the kitchen, he watched as she nursed a hot cup of tea and looked out the window—choosing to sit beside her at the table. He gave her a look as if he were saying: I’d rather that you stayed.

“It was a private conversation.” Gillian took another sip of tea, clearly knowing what he was thinking. Cal looked rather uncomfortable, although he was trying not to show it. Her thoughts went back to her conversation with Emily, and she couldn’t help notice that her thoughts were reflecting his own.

“The conversations between Zoe and me are anything but private anymore.”As she glanced back out the window, she could feel his eyes on her. “You should know that as well as anyone.”

“I do.” She circled her index finger around the rim of the cup. Thinking about it for a second, she gave a slight shake of her head, as if she were considering telling her the thought.

"Your father has his own ways of doing things. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Emily said, in a more determined tone this time. "I brought my bag with me, so I can get some studying done."

"You can come to me with anything, if you ever need to talk. You know that, right?"

Her conversation with Emily came floating back to her, as if a sudden thought. She cleared her throat and went back to circling her finger around the rim of the cup— with some kind of fake fascination.  

“You can’t ignore him forever” A voice told her. She took another sip, suddenly half-disappointed that she had drained the rest of the liquid distraction. Meeting his gaze, she cleared her throat. But as she opened her mouth to say something, he beat her too it—clearly thinking the same thing she was—in some way or another.

He sighed with such indecision that it made her rethink telling him. She went to the cabinet and pulled out a pudding, then a spoon from the drawer. It took one look that she could clearly read—he was seriously asking for her opinion, or he was trying to see if she had talked to Emily lately—to which he wasn’t that far off.

She sat back down at the table, feeling her hands shaking. He made a slight gesture for her to pass it over for her. He felt crazy for letting her eat the brown goop in the first place. Just like he had ignored almost everything else with a passion, and it was killing him. Truthfully, he couldn’t stop thinking about what she had said to him as he watched her fall asleep earlier.

 As he snapped out of his thoughts, he got the sense that she had just stopped talking, and yet he hadn’t heard a word that she had said. He shot her his way of an apologetic glance for not listening to her. “You’ll have to repeat whatever it was that you just said, Love.”

“You know as well as I do that if you want to get to the source of the answer, you ask the source.” She took a bite of pudding, stuck her spoon back into the cup and sat up in her chair as if the hair on the back of her neck had just stood up; a glint of suspicion in her eyes. For all he knew, they could have.  In fact, he knew that look all too well. “

“I intend to talk to her—just needed to clear my head of a few things first.” He cleared his throat as he watched her take another bite of pudding. “How about some dinner?”

She almost him that she wasn’t hungry, but she knew those words weren’t exactly going to fly. His eyes followed around the curve of her body, and she knew exactly what he was thinking.

Relenting to answer, she finished the rest of her pudding and threw the empty cup into the garbage. “As long as it’s close to the hospital.”

“How about that noodle place a couple blocks away?”He could tell that she was thinking about it, even after her stomach rumbled loudly.

She went and stood by the chair. Her whole body was shaking now, clear down to her fingers. “I’ll go grab my jacket.” When she came back five minutes later, she looked slightly better in color, but her expression was one of eagerness.

He made sure that he opened the door front door before she locked up; then in the car as she got into the passenger side, and when they reached the restaurant as well.

A lady with jet black hair and a Japanese accent had spotted them coming in, and was now gathering menus into her hand. “How many?”

Cal and Gillian exchanged a glance, managing to give his answer a split second before she did. “Two.”

“Right this way.” The woman led them toward an empty table towards the back. “So what brings two of you here tonight, besides eating?” She asked in slightly broken English, giving them an encouraging smile.

“We’re merely colleagues.” The woman’s smile faded slightly with disappointment. Cal didn’t even look up from his menu to gage her reaction.

“Oh well, you two make beautiful couple. Just so you know. Your waitress will be here in a moment.” And then she scurried back to the front of the building, and they were left to look over the menu.  

Gillian set her menu back on the table. She could tell just by the tone of his voice was more implying than the expression on his face. “Just a colleague?”

“I’d like to call it more of a platonic love.” Turning the page of the menu, he felt her hand stop his action. His tone was again betraying his emotions—desperately trying to stonewall was more like it.  

She had caught his attention, but they were interrupted by their waitress placing two glasses on the table, as well as a pitcher of water. Gillian placed her hands back by her side, offering a small thank you as she poured herself a glass.

The woman named Akira couldn’t have been more than nineteen years old; black hair, high cheek bones and a rather slimmed figure. She had a slight Japanese accent, but no broken English.”How are you guys doing tonight?”

Gillian nodded, taking another sip of her water. “Fine, thanks.”

“Good.” Akira gestured towards their menus. “Are you ready to order? Or do you need another minute to look over everything?” When they had both nodded, they placed their orders: Strawberry Chicken for Gillian. Noodles and vegetables for Cal. Once they had handed off their menus—moments after she had written down their orders—they were left alone again.