C is for Caleb

By the time that Braxton was crawling, mom was pregnant again. She told me that they weren’t expecting to be pregnant again so soon, but it happened. And since I had already gotten a brother, I hopefully wished for a sister.

However, when I went with mom and dad to the ultrasound around the fourth month, we found out that mom was going to have another little boy. I was a little hesitant at first, but as the months went by, I became a little more okay with the idea of having another little boy around the house.   

I often placed my hand on my mother’s swelling belly, feeling him kick. I read to and talked to my brother about having another baby. Even though he was too young to understand, Mom said that he would get used to it eventually. For the time being, he wouldn’t have to share a room with the baby—

 until they both got a little older.

Caleb, meaning “whole hearted”, would be the name of my littlest brother. I even got a chance to help decide what his name would be. My parents decided that when Braxton had been born, that they would name him after a friend they both knew. Caleb on the other hand, was just a name that we had all decided on as a family.

“Mom?”

“Yeah.”

“How many kids did you and dad want to have?” I couldn’t help but feel that I had asked the wrong question. Mom pursed her lips, like she had just put something sour in her mouth—while dad was clasping his hands together.

Dad cleared his throat, just like when he had a frog stuck in his throat; literally speaking. “About that—”

“Honey—” My mother began, looking even more uncomfortable now.

Then realization settled in; an electric shock settled into my body. “Are you sick again?”

“No, I’m not.” She grabbed my hand, her breath shaky. “What your father and I wanted to tell you the reason that I could have more children.”

I felt like it was my turn to be confused, because clearly I was. My father stepped in, and what he said at first: made no sense at all. “We met with a doctor that tests medicines and other things. Your mother happened to get chosen. And when she took that experimental drug, it causes her to get pregnant a lot.”

Thinking it over, I came up with a conclusion. “So you’re saying that the drug causes you to get pregnant?” They both nodded.”For how long?”

Exchanging a look, my mom spoke this time. “Well…at least twenty six times.”

“Twenty—” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, not realizing how this could affect me. “But you’ve already been pregnant three times.”

“Actually, since I took the experimental drug— I’ve been pregnant twice.”

“Oh.” I was amazed how it kind of stung to hear my mother say that. I realized later that it wasn’t because of her words that I felt jealous, but how she had said it. Even though I had gotten my wish, I knew that I would never have what my brothers had—and any other siblings that would come into this family.

“Honey, we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves in. We didn’t think about what this would do to you—but don’t think just because we’re having all these kids that you’re not part of this family.”

“Okay.” I wasn’t sure what to think now. In fact, I really couldn’t think about anything. My mind was blank, and I did the only thing I could do. “Can I go outside and play?”

“Sure.”

I didn’t stop to look back as I left. In fact, I was pretty sure that I was on the swings the whole entire time, until my dad called out the door that dinner was ready. Even then, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to come in just yet. I hadn’t stopped thinking about what my parents had told me a couple hours ago,

“I’m not hungry.” I muttered my response, while swinging. My father must have not heard me, because he was ushering me to hurry in. “I’m not hungry.” I repeated it a little louder this time, but didn’t get off the swing. Instead, I went to a nearby tree and started climbing it.  

“Okay, but we’re having macaroni and cheese tonight.” Then he slipped into the house, leaving me alone and feeling worse than before. I sat against a branch, my stomach rumbling. I looked longingly into the window, watching as my parents sat down together at the table: my brother in his high chair.

Mac and cheese was my all-time favorite (even though I was almost ten years old) and they were going to eat it without me. I quickly decided that wasn’t going happen and made my way across the yard. I washed up in the bathroom sink and walked into the kitchen.

My ten month old brother was enjoying stuffing his own amount, into his mouth. But what put a smile on my face, was there was a plate full of the food for me as well.

No, the macaroni and cheese didn’t make everything better, but even before my brother came along—we always conquered everything together. I knew right then and there that my parents had just taught me a valuable lesson: that I was special too. Nothing about this situation was going to change things, or our relationship.

 Besides, I wasn’t the only one whose life would change. I didn’t realize it immediately, but we would need each other more than ever. The fact that I would have twenty six brothers and sisters: the more it would cause people to treat us differently.

“Because of this, we can’t tell anyone right now.” Mom informed me one day, as she rubbed her swelling belly. It would be any time now that baby Caleb was going to be joining our family.

“Do you think you’ll ever have girl? Pretty soon we’re going to be outnumbered by boys.”

She smiled, making this our family joke for years to come. “Well, you know that we still have plenty of times to have more girls join this family.”

“Yeah, maybe. Do you think we’ll have to move?”

“Eventually. For now, we’ll just live here until we outgrow this house. Or we’ll just expand the house. There’s plenty of room.”

“You can’t cut down my trees. Besides, we’ll have to live in a mansion when you have all these kids.” I couldn’t help but tease her. Even I wondered what my future would hold—or perhaps I would just go crazy with the noise level that would ensue in the house.

“You know that your father and I could never afford a mansion. We’ll just make do with what we have . . . and deal with it when we get there.” She kissed my forehead; something that I would never forget.