The Great Escape: Flight--Pt I

As I drove into the parking lot, I spotted Kevin and Sophie sitting at a table nearest the end of the outdoor deck. Sophie had a seat nearest the railing and had her back to me, while Kevin was leaning back in his chair.

My heels clicked against the asphalt, until I was inside of the restaurant. The waitress that was cleaning a nearby table was happy to lead me to where I needed to go. Sophie spotted me first and I soon found myself hugging her. “How was your trip?”

“It was good.” Although, something in the tone of her voice was reminding me that she had better things to do, other than spending the weekend alone with her parents. “Dad was telling me that you ran into Denise Sherwood when you moved here.”

I nodded, sitting down at the table. “Her husband Frank was transferred to Fort Marshall about five years ago.” Outstretching my hand, I hesitated and laid it on the table. So far so good, but I knew just as much that it was all just surface talk. ”How’s school going?”

“Good. I was just telling dad that I have all A’s, except for in one of the classes that I’m taking this semester.”

“Sophie, that’s great—“

“I’ve been studying really hard this year. Well even harder than last year.”

From the corner of my eye, Kevin flagged down the waitress—a thirty something waitress in a black apron and white t-shirt and black slacks underneath; black hair that was folded neatly into a bun, and green eyes that were friendly and warm.

“Are we ready to order?”  She inquired; pen and pad in hand. Kevin’s gaze crossed from mine to Sophie’s as we all agreed and read off what we wanted from the menu. She left and we were back to the silence.

I could tell that the silence was making her feel uncomfortable—I felt it too as the frustration rose. Kevin and I were angry at each other for various reasons, but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t be civil in front of our daughter.

Touching my hand to hers, I thought that she would pull it away. “I’m glad you’re here.” I felt her gaze soften, become more relaxed. When our food came, I ate more than I thought I would.

Halfway through lunch, Kevin finally decided to join in the conversation, even though it was more small talk. We managed to catch up before we boxed up all of our leftovers and got up from the table. We all walked out to the parking lot together.

“See you at home?”

He stopped walking and turned around. “I was hoping Sophie could ride with you.” Without even asking, Sophie walked towards my car and left us alone. I didn’t blame her for not wanting to be part of the argument. My eyes seemed to ask why he couldn’t, even though I probably already knew the answer. “As I was on my way to pick Sophie up from the airport, stating an emergency meeting at the Pentagon. I fly out tonight.”

“For once, Kevin… I wish you would put your family before the army.”  I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but I was too angry to really care. My heels clicked angrily against the asphalt as I walked away.

As I got into the car, Sophie followed and closed the door. “Mom?” I opened my eyes, hardly realizing that I had closed them in the first place. I put the key into the ignition and we backed out of the parking lot.

When we got home, Sophie went up to her room and I went into the kitchen. I hesitated, took out a glass and poured myself some red wine. I drained it way too quickly, and was on my way to pouring myself another when I stopped halfway. I knew that I couldn’t do this, and went to pour it down the kitchen sink.

I went back to the couch and intended to start another book, but I had picked up the album that Sophie had given me and started flipping through it. “I can’t believe you still have that thing.”

Slightly startled, I saw her sitting at the top of the stairs. I wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there, but she came down and sat down next to me on the couch. She took the album into hand and flipped through it. “I think about that moment a lot. What it would have been like to feel the baby move . . . what I could have done differently.” Her face scrunched up. “How could I have been so stupid?”

“You are not a stupid person.”

“But I am, mom. I got pregnant at nineteen.” She shrugged her shoulders forward. “After seeing you and dad this afternoon, it made me realize that I would not have made a good mother—“

It felt like I had been punched in the stomach, just to hear her say that. Suddenly, I felt like the worst mother in the world. I couldn’t seem to breathe as I picked myself off the couch and went outside for some air.

I thought about all the times that I had struggled just being a mother. Sometimes I felt like a single mother because my husband’s job always seemed to be more important. It just backed the feeling that he would never know how it would feel, before I closed my eyes and dozed off.

When I awoke, the sky was dark. I grabbed my keys off the table and saw the note that Kevin had scribbled down. He had to head to the airport early and Sophie had gone out with a friend to get dinner. I was all alone for dinner once again, so I headed to the Hump bar.

Gloria was behind the counter as I walked in. I gave a small wave and sat down near the back. “Hey, Jackie. What brings you by?”

“I was hoping to talk to Roxy.”

“She actually had an emergency, so I’m taking over for her tonight. Anything I can do—because you sure look like you could use a friend.”

“Yeah.”

“Want a drink?” Gloria offered.

The thought was tempting, but I declined. “I’ve actually already had one.”

“Oh?”

I let out a bitter laugh. “It’s not like before, but thanks for the offer.”

“Sure.”

“You said Roxy had an emergency?”

“Yeah. She came in earlier, but I sent her home because she was experiencing some bleeding. When they went in, her doctor decided that she wanted to keep her overnight for observation.” She gestured towards me.  “So what’s going on? Roxy told me you were also in the hospital.”

“For food poisoning, yes. Denise and Claudia Joy showed up at my door when I didn’t show up to go over what was supposed to take place at this week’s meeting.”

“Well, I for one am glad that you’re okay, and that you made it to the meeting. I don’t think Roxy or I could have done it without you.”

“I’m sure you would have done just fine.”

“And you’re doing okay, otherwise?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Really?” Gloria shrugged, looking around at the bar. “I don’t see anyone around who needs my services at the moment. Let’s hear it.”

So I told her about Sophie and Kevin—lunch and the fight. I figured that would enough for tonight. I was still exhausted and something told me that I had taken on too much, too soon.