May I: Sleep

Walking down the hospital corridor, the nurses smiled as she went past them. Angelica had called and had given her a head’s up: they had finished giving Sophie one last checkup, and were releasing her today.  

This was the first bit of good news that actually made her smile—so much that she felt well enough to drive over here. And it took her less than a few minutes last night, to make that decision.

It seemed only fair to keep as much of a routine with Sophie as she could, and that would start with not always riding in taxi cabs.

So when she walked in Sophie’s room, she had half expected for her little girl to be up and waiting. But when she walked in, Dr. Jacobzi and Angelica were standing by her bed, discussing something privately.

Dr. Jacobzi had the chart in his hand, and turned around with a smile on his face. “Gillian. We were just going over Sophie’s discharge plans. I’m afraid that we had a bit of a rough morning and she just fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago.” Stepping aside, Sophie was curled up underneath a white hospital blanket; a purple stuffed animal tucked underneath her arm.

“Just so you know—Sophie has been very ornery this morning. Perhaps you’ll have better luck when she wakes up.”

“Did she not sleep very well?”

“Actually she slept pretty well. The nurse last night only reported her waking a few times during the night. Sophie didn’t really want anything to do with her and kept crying for mommy.”

Gillian nodded in understanding, and the room fell silent as Sophie stirred again in her bed.

“Mommy?” Sophie called out as she tried desperately rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. It was apparent that the little girl was exhausted, but Gillian wondered if she had heard her talking, or if she was calling out in her sleep.

At first, she didn’t want to disturb Sophie. If she could sleep, that would be the best thing. That way she could talk to the doctors and take her home. But during her time as a family psychiatrist, Gillian had been trained to know that when an adopted child cries out, the caretaker should respond within fifteen seconds: verbally or physically. The child then knows that they’re always going to be taken care of no matter what.

Running her fingers through her blonde hair, Sophie momentarily stilled at her touch; her body relaxed and her breathing finally evened out after a few minutes.

“Can I suggest we go out into the hall and talk?” Dr. Jacobzi chimed in, breaking the silence. Sophie breathed out deeply and they all walked into the hall.

They got through talking about medicine dosages, warning signs and complications—when they heard Sophie crying out again. “Moommmy!”

“Go ahead. I think that’s all we need to talk about right now. I’ll go ahead and get the discharge papers finished up, and hopefully we can get you out of here within fifteen to twenty minutes. If you have any questions, feel free to call.”

Angelica put a hand on her shoulder and led her back through the door. Sophie was now standing up in her crib, sobbing. She saw Gillian and immediately began reaching her arms out for her.

“Look at that. I think she likes you.” Angelica motioned with a smile as she helped Sophie into her arms, and then as they sat down in the rocking chair. “How’s the shoulder holding up?”

“It hasn’t been too bad. I’m still on some pain medication that I can take if it gets to be too much.” Absently, Gillian began to rock as Sophie held onto her tightly.

“I understand. I broke my left leg a couple years ago. It seems like it takes forever to heal, but suddenly it happens and things go back to normal.” She peered over at Sophie who had just laid her head on Gillian’s shoulder. “She seems to be quite comfortable where she is, so I’m going to leave you two be for a little while. If you need anything, push this button and someone from the nurse’s station will come and help.”

Gillian nodded, her cheek resting against Sophie’s head as they rocked. Angelica slipped out when they weren’t looking, and they sat there in silence. It was so comforting that they must have both dozed off. Angelica came back into the room with a wheelchair, a prescription for Sophie and some paperwork.

“Did you two have a good nap?”

“Yeah. How long have we been out?”

“Just a little over a half an hour.” She pushed the wheelchair over to the chair. “I thought you could use this, since Sophie fell asleep on you.”

“That would be great, thanks.”

“I’ll let you wake up a little before you sign the discharge papers, because first I need to show you something.” Walking across the room, Angelica grabbed something off the nearby counter.

There were two pictures—one in black and white, the other in color—of her and Sophie when they were asleep in the chair. “One of the nurses came in to check up on you.  She ended up snapping these pictures and wanted you to have them.”

Freeing her hand, Gillian took them into hand and looked them over. The black and white picture had them as the main focus; with the bed and wall in the background. The colored picture was similar but had only them in the frame.

“They’re beautiful. Who’s the nurse that took these?”

“Her name is Marta. She’s one of our Pediatric nurses here on the floor. Busiest person that I’ve ever seen. She works full-time up here on the Pediatric floor during the day, and does photography at night.”

“She definitely has an eye for it.”

“I’ve been telling her that she needs to start kind of business here at the hospital—capturing those little moments.”

“I think she should. I know that I’m going treasure these pictures forever. I was thinking about putting one in Sophie’s room and taking the other to work. It’s about time that I updated the pictures I have of her.”

“I’ll definitely relate the message along.” Angelica chimed in as she grabbed the paperwork. She went over everything with her one last time, and then Gillian signed by the x.

Angelica helped her into the wheelchair, and Sophie hardly moved during the transition. As they wheeled down the hall, a few nurses and doctors smiled as Gillian held on tightly to her little girl.

She felt some pride in the fact that she was holding her daughter in her arms, while she slept. For so long she had been dreaming about this moment—what it would be like to hold her again. What it would feel like to have her in her life. In fact, the whole dream was starting to seem a little far-fetched until now.

As they were wheeled outside, she heard Angelica’s voice. “Gillian? You okay?”

“Yeah. I was just thinking about Sophie and going home.”

“You’ll do great. Don’t try to do everything by yourself, or you’ll end of burning yourself out. Take it from experience.” They wheeled to the curb. “Now where’s that car? I heard that you wanted to get home.”