May I Ten Fold

When she woke up the next day, Gillian realized that the sun was already coming through the blinds of her office window. She checked her watch and realized that it was almost eight o’clock in the morning.

Her night had been worse than the night before—head throbbing that shot pains all throughout her forehead. As she moved to sit up, her body felt really stiff and ached. It felt almost odd and she blamed it for sleeping on the couch for the last two nights.

Hand rubbing the back of her neck, she stood slowly and walked over to her desk. Rumbling through her drawer, she found some Advil and shakily opened it with almost no effort. She took the pills into hand and downed them with some water.

Thankfully, she had brought a change of clothes with her, because it was already the work day and Cal, Ria and Eli will have expected to be here around at least seven thirty. She got dressed as quickly as possible and opened the door to start the day.  

She was just sitting down behind her desk to finish up some paperwork quickly, when Cal walked in and occupied the empty chair in front of her desk. “Morning, love.” He was trying to read her expression discreetly.

“Morning.” She mustered up the strength to not sound sad or tired; looking up slightly, her hand rested on top of the file, before opening it. From the corner of her eye, she saw him tilt his head again.  She closed the file and relented. “Say it, Cal.”

“How are you, love?” Opening her mouth to answer, he stopped her. “And when I say that –

I mean it in the best possible way, is how are you really?” Gesturing, he sat forward and took the framed picture into hand.

“I’m fine, and you?” Gillian directed the question back to him and reopened the file. Her eyes averted back to the file.

“I’m good.” Answering his question, he got comfortable in his chair. “That thing that you just did with your eyes though, says otherwise.”

“Cal—” Warning him, she gave him a sharp look to back off. It was clear what she was asking him to do.

“Now that I can do.” Immediately, Cal got up from his seat and placed the frame back on her desk. “Meet me in the conference room in five minutes, will you? I invited Mrs. Cole for a bit of a chat.” He made a clicking sound and was gone before she could answer back.

That was when the feeling sunk in that he was up to something, but the headache that was still pounding in her mind seemed to block that out. Closing the file she stood up—noticing the frame that Cal had put back before leaving. It caught her eye and she picked it up and turned it around.

Giving a small smile, her fingers grazed over the picture of her daughter, and then the picture of her holding Sophie. A sob escaped her lips, and she stopped. Cal had picked this photo up twice; once on the phone, another today.

With that, she put the frame down and walked out of the office to the conference room. When she got there, a young woman was standing there with her back towards

Gillian.”Sorry, I must have gotten the wrong room.” Something about this moment was wrong.

Turning to leave, Gillian was about to leave when the woman turned around and spoke up. “Gillian.” The voice was too familiar and one that she hadn’t heard in years. She turned around to put the voice to the face.

A young woman; mid twenties, shoulder-length brown hair and green eyes—just like the little girl in the picture that sits on her desk, was the older version of Sophie. “Ava.” Gillian was clearly surprised, but she could guess who was behind this little meeting. In fact, it was all starting to make sense.  That same picture that Cal kept picking up; the fact that she was standing here and he wasn’t.

“I guess you’re wondering why I’m here.” The woman shrugged, pulled out a chair and sat down. Gillian folded her arms and leaned against the door frame. “I went over this a thousand times, whether I should come or not.”

“I think we both know why you’re here.” 

Ava shook her head. “It took a little while to recall it, but I figured out where you worked because I had written it down in some notebook that I had put up in my closet. I called ahead of time, but I asked your boss not to tell you. I didn’t think you’d want to see me again after—“She trailed off, biting down on her lip.

At this point, the medicine still hadn’t kicked in that Gillian had taken and her head was throbbing to the point that she felt like throwing up. “After you took Sophie.” Gillian finished for her; her own voice came out strained, with an undertone of pain.

“Yeah.” Nodding, Ava twisted her fingers together. “At the time I was with my boyfriend and we didn’t know what we wanted. We were naïve and young and if I could, I wouldn’t make some of the same decisions.” Gillian narrowed her eyes, rubbing at her forehead to ward off the oncoming pain.

“Ava, I don’t blame you for what you did.” Gillian read the guilt, sadness and fear in her expression. She hung back for a few minutes, before the psychologist in her had her walking across the room and pulling out a chair to get a closer look. “You’re afraid of something. What are you afraid of?”

“Nothing.” A half sobbed laugh came out and Gillian grabbed some tissues that were sitting on the other side of the table, before holding them out to her. Dabbing the tissue at her cheek; gave a tightened smile before standing. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

Gillian felt like she was pulling at strings now. “Did something happen to Sophie?” That stopped the woman in her tracks.

Ava shook her head, back towards her. “No, she’s at a friend’s house—playing.” That erupted a new fresh set up tears.  Her body was practically trembling. “I can’t do this Gillian.”

She looked up to see people watching them, like they were some kind of puppet show. Gillian grimaced and pulled the blinds closed. “You can’t do what? What can’t you do?”

Another sob and her voice shaking, Ava responded. “I can’t take care of her anymore.”

“Sophie.” Her heart leapt thoughtfully at the possibilities of holding that child in her arms again, but the little girl was nearly two years old and had grown up. There was no possible way that she would bond the same way that she did with her own mother.

Ava looked up at her with tears in her eyes. “I have cancer.” She wiped her nose with one of the tissues, causing Gillian to break out of her thoughts. “And I only have three months to live.”

“What about your mother or some relatives taking care of her?”

“She died a couple months ago. And Robby, my boyfriend—he left us last year. I don’t have any relatives that could take her.”  

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Things have been hard Gillian, and Sophie deserves so much of that. I can see that now.”

Eyes red around the rim, Ava gazed at her tiredly. “I can see that I’ve hurt you so much by taking Sophie away, but she needs this.” Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out an old card and scribbled her number on it. ”All I’m asking you to do right now, is think about it.”  

She held the card out for Gillian to take it.

Gillian hesitated, but relented. “Okay.” She took the card into hand and read the number over.

Ava moved to leave, turning back with a spin of her heels. “You know, I never let Sophie forget you. I made sure that you were always a part of our lives.” That brought tears to Gillian’s eyes. Ava gave her a quick hug, voicing one last concern. “I was a foster child, and they just happened to be the worst years of my life. I don’t want that for Sophie.” And with that, she was gone.

----

Gillian had been so caught up in her thoughts that she almost missed Emily standing there. She looked over when Emily had called her name.  “Emily.” She tried to brighten with a smile, but failed miserably. In fact, Gillian was sure that she felt even more miserable than she had when she had woken up.

Emily looked over at her with a concerned glance. In a failed attempt to find her dad, the receptionist had pointed her in the direction of where Gillian had been in the conference room and that’s where she had been waiting when a woman walked out in a hurry.

Okay, so usually she would have waited for her dad in his office—granted that he would make it there eventually, but she had been itching to see Gillian after hearing what happened to her. Or least she had heard just as much as she was supposed to know. Her eyes followed to where Gillian was continually glancing at the building doors as they walked. ”You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost or something.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” They stopped in the middle of the hall. “So what are you doing here, Em? I thought you’d have plans with friends.”

“I do . . . but not until later on. I’m supposed to be having a late breakfast with my dad. You haven’t seen him, have you?” Emily inquired, feeling the awkward feeling in the air. There was definitely something going on between them. Whenever she mentioned the word ‘dad’, she could just see the wheels turning in Gillian’s head.

                                                                                                     

Checking her watch, Gillian shook her head and offered. “Not since he tore out of my office, about twenty minutes ago.” 

“Oh. I’ve tried him twice, but he hasn’t answered any of my calls.” Emily offered, flipping open her phone and pushing his number on speed-dial again before putting it up to her ear. “Come on, pick up. . . pick up.” Time seemed to stand still momentarily, before her eyes flickered up to Gillian’s. “Did my dad do something?”

“When does he not do something?” That got a big smile from Emily, which faded when she got his phone answering machine.

Hey dad, it’s me. I’m at the office with Gillian . . . waiting. I came here because I thought that we were supposed to have breakfast together before I go hang out with Hayley. Call me back.”

She hit the phone against her hand in an irritated fashion. “He didn’t pick up, so I guess I’ll just go wait in his office.”

Gillian nodded. “I’ve got some paperwork to finish up, but if you need me—you know where to find me?” She turned to leave, as Emily nodded and stepped away to leave as well.

“Hey Gillian?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

Sighing, Gillian gave her a gentle smile. “Me too.”  It was almost a relieved sigh. In fact just talking about it, practically sent chills through her body. One: there were so many things that could have happened that night if Cal and Ben hadn’t figured out the rapist in time. Two: Talking about it right now, almost made her relive the whole night over again.

“You know he cares about you.”

Still in half-thought, Gillian nodded with a far-away look in her eyes. “I know.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad care so much about a person—well maybe besides my mom—but somehow that meaning takes on a bigger meaning when he’s around you.” It was apparent by Emily’s wide-eyed expression that she knew that she was rambling now; trying to grip at those awkward straws that weren’t ever there.

Of course Gillian and her dad cared about the other. Besides, her dad referred to her as his “best friend”. It was easy to get lost in the look they gave to each other, that in some ways suggested that it was something more. But she had also heard of “the line”, of boundaries that couldn’t be crossed between them, making it one complicated mess that shouldn’t be.

Gillian gently cleared her throat which snapped Emily out of her thoughts, before she could think about it any further; she realized her phone was ringing. Turning the phone up, Emily read the name on the caller ID. “I should take this.”

“I’ve got some work to do. We’ll catch up later?”

Nodding in response, Emily pushed the receiver to her ear.  Gillian hurried down to her office—a little too quickly. It wasn’t surprising that her dad had done something, but the last thing Gillian looked like she wanted to do, was be there at the office. “Dad?”

Letting out a deep breath, Gillian locked the door again and sat at her desk. Leaning forward, she rubbed at her forehead. The medicine that she had taken earlier didn’t seem to be helping; the headache itself had seemed to multiply ten times over in the last half an hour, while the paper weighed heavily and almost ironically burned a hole through her pocket.

  

Her breath was ragged and her blood felt like it was boiling. She had little time to think of the situation and the one that had just happened, but now she felt like it was all catching up to her, now that she had sat down and could hardly think.

It was hard enough to resist the urge to let her head fall to the desk; perhaps she could add a head concussion to the list of injuries sustained this week.  Rubbing her forehead again, she put the palm of her hand on her forehead in hopes of keeping herself up, and pushed open a file with the other.

Maybe she couldn’t think about everything that was going on—scratch that . . . she didn’t want to think about any of it. How she couldn’t go home, how wary she was at night, how Cal had possibly crossed the line; and not to mention, how strange it was that suddenly Sophie’s mother had shown up after Cal had been looking at the picture.

Shaking her head, she could feel herself fuming. She looked towards the phone and contemplated whether she was up to calling him, but in the back of the mind, she realized how tired she was; how badly she needed coffee—or a strong sedative that might knock her out for a week. There was no possible way, with her head throbbing like this, that she could have a conversation with him.

So she tried to focus on the paperwork, but the words and lines seemed to blur all together. There was no way that she was going to get anything done. She sighed, closed the file and relented that despite not wanting to go home—she needed to go home.

Gillian knew right away that driving wasn’t actually an option. There was no way that she would be able to see straight enough; that and her arm and shoulder still needed a chance to heal. Picking up the phone, she dialed the number for the cab company and waited until it was close enough to walk out of the office.

It was possible that Eli and Ria were still out, and Cal was probably already out to breakfast with Emily, which left little room to converse. She stopped by the reception area where Heidi was sitting; head bent, she was busily writing something. Gillian contemplated whether to say anything, and it was that brief pause that had her changing her mind.

Heidi popped her head up, “Dr. Foster, I didn’t know that you were still here.  Lightman said that the two of you were working on a case—“

Eyes flickering up to her, Gillian wanted to say “Yeah, we were, but he seemed to leave me out of it. That being assumed that he was actually working on the case at the moment. She figured he wasn’t, by the way he had torn out of her office. ” Instead, she offered up a fib. “We are— I just came back to get some paperwork.”

Heidi raised her brow, looking at her disappointedly when she offered no further explanation. Despite wanting to rub at her forehead again, Gillian resisted the urge to not put on a straight face, instead of giving in to how she felt: tired, ready to collapse, yell, cry—something instead of staying silent. She wasn’t hurt that he had left her out of this. No, she should be used to it—for all the times that he’s left her out of things, but this time seemed different.

Gillian left out the door before she could get anything else; the cab waiting for her. She got into the cab, catching a glimpse of Cal’s car sitting in the parking lot and shaking off the very distinct feeling that she was being watched.