May I: Willpower

“I’m Jonathon” Introducing himself, he took another drink from his glass. “What happened to your arm?” Pointing towards the sling, he drained the rest of the liquid and set his glass down with a gentle thud.

Gillian touched her hand lightly to her face. She decided to give him the light version. “Work accident.”

“Ouch.” Wincing, he signaled to the bartender, ordering another drink. “Another scotch.” He turned back to her. “You want another one? My treat.”

She held up her hand, twisting her body in the direction of the door. “No, I’m good. I should actually get going.” The bartender placed a new napkin down and then the drink. “It’s getting late.”

He reached into his back wallet and pulled out some money. “At least let me get this.” Reaching into her purse, she started pulling out her wallet but she couldn’t quite get it out.

He touched her hand lightly and she flinched. “I’ve got it.” Putting the money down on the counter, she put her hand back to her side and brushed a stray piece of hair back behind her ear.

“Thank you.” Walking towards the door, she turned back as he took another sip. Turning back, she turned to say something, but then thought better of it and pushed the door open onto the street.

It was quiet; a chill ran through her as the wind ran through her hair. This moment clearly reminded her just before the moment that she was attacked. The fear ran through her so much that she couldn’t stop looking over her shoulder. 

A couple was walking slowly behind her—but nobody else was walking on the sidewalk, sitting in their car, or walking quickly towards her, that looked suspicious. She wondered how this was such a good idea to go out at night in the first place, since paranoia seemed to kicking in at full speed.

There was just something about those men that rattled her nerves. As if they were people that shouldn’t be messed with—and right now she felt very vulnerable. Her willpower and energy had drained significantly since the attack.

Finally locating her keys, she took one final glance around and got into her car. She started up the engine and headed back towards the office. She avoided all back roads that she could and finally parked in her usual parking spot at a quarter to midnight.

Her keys jingled in her hand as she walked. She still had the pepper spray that she had bought within reach—although she wished for no more attacks. Even though the attack hadn’t taken place at her home, she didn’t even feel safe being there alone.

Being a psychologist, she knew that her emotions were written all over her face; scared, angry, saddened, fearful—or rather, all over the place. She felt displaced, and all together—numb. Her hands were shaking as she opened the door and stepped into familiar territory; making sure to lock the door behind her.  

Her heels clicked against the tile as she walked down the hall to her office. The light was on in Cal’s office and there was rustling that had her almost pulling out her pepper spray from her purse.

She breathed out a sigh of relief when she saw Cal flipping through a book and putting it back on the shelf when he saw her. “Cal.” There was both relief and surprise in her expression.

“You look frightened, luv. Did you just get in?” He was genuinely concerned as he pointed towards the window, pulling the book that he wanted off the bookshelf and sat behind his desk.

Shaking her head, she folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the door frame. “I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here at this hour. Cal, what are you doing?”

“Thought I’d pick up a book from the office.” He gave a laugh, pulling open the cover. ”You know, I’ve been meaning to read this for ages.” Putting his legs up on the desk, he began reading. He had that innocent look on his face that meant that he was up to something.

Tilting her head, she elaborated. “I mean, what are you doing here?”

“If you really wanted to know—I couldn’t sleep.” Stretching out, he didn’t take his eyes off the book. “You know this book is proving to be quite interesting.”  

She turned to leave. “Go home, Cal. Emily is going to wonder where you are.”

“Not if she’s asleep.” With that she left and closed the door to her office. It wasn’t possible that he came to the office just to check up on her, was it?

Gathering the blanket, she held it in her hands before tossing it on the couch. Slipping off the jacket first, she then took off the sling and tossed both on the unoccupied chair. Taking a old t-shirt and pants that she had brought and stashed in the bottom drawer of her desk drawer, she quickly changed and turned out the light.

Settling on the couch, she sighed before realizing that she had forgotten to lock the door. There was no way she wanted to be seen like this, especially since she had been itching to get into comfortable clothes all day. Her shoulder was beginning to ache, body stiff and head pounding.  

Trying to get up, she found that she couldn’t move. Her body felt weak, now that she had relaxed a little. After a few tries, she rolled onto her side and pushed herself upright. She felt out of breath and something about tonight felt unsettling. That or she was a lot more exhausted than she realized.

Standing up with the last bit of energy that she had, she locked the door and lay back down on the couch. It seemed like she was staring at the ceiling, listening to every sound. Even though she was tired, she was fighting it.

The last few nights, she was well aware about how this night would turn out. After two to four hours of sleepless rest, she would wake up from one of the same nightmares that she had been having the last couple days--one that involved her daughter being taken away, her ex-husband being the attacker and really bad things happening that didn’t.