May I: Bells and Whistles

Folding up the letter, she put it back into the envelope. A tear ran down her cheek and she wiped it away. “Gillian?” It took a moment for her to look up as Emily folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe.  “I know my dad has a lot to do with this—bringing you here and everything.”  Her eyes seemed to be glued to the little girl sitting beside Gillian. As if she were asking who she was. “Anyway, I’m going to be making dinner. Are you staying?”

Suddenly, she felt a confliction of feelings. When she wanted to leave, she knew that would conclude with Cal pulling her back. She was angry that he had brought her here; put both Emily and Sophie in the middle of their silent battle, that wasn’t really silent.

That and she would have to explain about Sophie, and she wasn't quite ready to explain that yet. And if she ran away, he would chase after her—when all she wanted was some normalcy.

Gillian nodded once, feeling the need to be alone and compose herself before dinner. “Can you take Sophie down with you? I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Emily paused, and then held out her hand. “Sure. Come on Sophie; let’s see what we can find in the kitchen.” Her little hand grasped hers and once they had left, Gillian got up and closed the door. Letting out a sigh, she let the tears flow freely. 

Everything that she had been holding inside for the last week, she couldn’t hold in any more. She cried it all out, until she felt a little better. Opening the door, she walked into the bathroom and splashed her face was water. Her eyes were still slightly red, so she sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

Somehow, it felt like a breach of privacy that she had walked in here. Sure, she had been in this house too many times to name. Cal tried to get her to the house, at least once a month—especially during the holidays—at least when they weren’t working like crazy on some case. 

And that’s when she really missed the work life—because that’s all she had felt like she had when she had divorced Alec. The line had still been in place and everything had been fine, but when Cal had crumbled the line, was when she felt most shaky.

Because, to him—life was just a game, where there were no boundaries. She chose most times to be naïve and ignore when she knew that he had lied to her; feeling the burn deep down every time he did. That was who he was. Despite all his quirks, there was something passionate and dangerous about his demeanor.

Wiping her eyes again, she could hear Emily downstairs talking to Sophie. The little girl was talking so much, that she walked into the middle of the hall and listened. She finally ended up sitting on the top step, when it finally started to sink in.

Sophie had hardly said a word to her since they had arrived, and she didn’t know why—but it hurt, and gave her another reason to doubt herself as a mother. Usually if she was talking to a patient about something like this, she as a psychiatrist would be concerned with what made her feel that way and the events leading up to the why.

The door to the house opened, which shook her out of her thoughts. She thought about not going down, but she had already told Emily that she would be there in a few minutes. It had already been about five.

Giving a sigh, she pulled at her shirt and walked down the stairs. She had expected it to be Cal at the door, but she was greeted with a boy that looked to be Emily’s age. He had brown eyes and spiky brown hair.

Emily was stirring something in a pot; her back towards the stairs. The boy however, was leaning against the oven as they were in the middle of having a conversation. He stopped and looked over at Gillian, almost startled. “Em—you didn’t tell me that you had anyone else over.” Turning around, Emily smiled and slapped him on the arm. “Beside the kid.” He added, rubbing his arm.

Sophie was playing happily with some books on the floor to the side. For the first time, Gillian noticed that Sophie was dressed in jeans and a pink shirt; a yellow fabric flower was sewn onto the side. Along with the words, you are my flower—that were written underneath. 

Emily looked back at her, exchange a glance with her. “Sam, this is Gillian. Gillian, this is Sam. We got to school together—and Gillian works with my dad.”

“Nice to meet you.” He smiled gently, looking back at Emily. “I should really be getting home. I’ll see you at school, tomorrow.” With that—he grabbed his bag and went out the back door.

Emily turned towards her, reading the expression in her eyes. “He’s just my lab partner.”

Gillian smiled, standing next to her by the oven. “But you like him.”

Emily gave a half-shrug, opening up the cabinet and pulling out some plates. “Kind of.”  She gave the sauce a quick stir and then placed the spoon on the counter. You’re mad at dad, aren’t you?” Taking the plates, Gillian began setting the table.

She was setting the last of the three plates, when she responded with a sigh. It was that obvious. The tension between the two of them this last week, was enough to set off bells and whistles.

Sophie got off the floor, and tugged at her jeans. “Hungwy.” 

The look in her eyes, told Emily that yes, she was angry, but she knew that wasn’t all that was bugging Gillian. The way that she was around Sophie, she looked scared and apprehensive; as if she would break Sophie if she touched her.

Gillian slowly ran her fingers through the blonde strands. ”I think we’re just about ready to eat, right Em?”

“Yeah. About five more minutes.” She looked at Sophie, then over at Gillian.”I hope you don’t mind. I kind of used the sauce from the jar. Not really good at this cooking thing.”

“It smells good.” She reassured Emily. “Where is your father?”

Emily shrugged again, turning down the stove. “He put you his room, and then I heard him walk out of the house. I tried calling his phone to see when he was coming home, but he didn’t answer.” There was a pause, and Gillian took the opportunity to collapse into a chair. “You know, he’s been worried about you.”

“I know.” Gillian answered quietly, as Sophie climbed into her lap. “Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t.”  She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it had. “Thanks for the pudding.”

“Thought it would cheer you up. It’s just that you’ve been kind of distracted, since—“

“Thank you. Your father actually ate one.” Gillian admitted, as Sophie held up one of her hands and put her hand in hers and smiled brightly. She smiled a real genuine smile, instead of it being forced. 

Emily looked back to her, eyes wide. “Really? My dad almost never eats junk food.”  

“Junk!” Sophie squealed out, which got all of them laughing. They were laughing so much that they failed to hear the key in the lock and then the door opened.  The laughter died as Cal walked in holding a bag of groceries.

Emily walked over and took one of the bags of groceries. He looked slightly relieved that she had been laughing. Somehow, she looked brighter and happier than when he had left. They both did. And the way that Sophie was sitting on her lap; her hand in hers, that things were far from over, but were just beginning.

He knew that they needed to talk, but that could wait until later. Not being able to ignore the redness around the rim of her eyes, he had expected her to still be sleeping, or to come back and find that she had taken Sophie and left.

When he looked into her eyes, he knew that she was still thinking about it. “Even though she wasn’t looking at him, he could sense it. Lifting the pot off the sauce, he chimed in. “Spaghetti for dinner, Em?”

“Yeah. Thought it was my turn to cook, and I wasn’t sure when you’d be home.”

“Smells good.”  He kissed her on the forehead, and watched as Gillian put the bananas, oranges and apples on the counter.

“Nana!” Sophie’s eyes lit up, seeing the yellow fruit being placed on the counter.  He watched her as she didn’t turn around.

Gillian was thinking about what Sophie had said about Sophie liking bananas. It took her a moment to decide what to say. She had to keep reminding herself that she was in charge of Sophie now.

“Pwease?”