May I: Slow Motion

Just under two hours, she had arrived at the hospital—however, it seemed like longer. Everything seemed like it was going in slow motion. She had promised before leaving that she would catch up with Anna again and thanked her for everything.

When she got into the car, she had dug in her purse to call Loker, but found that her phone was pretty much dead. Putting her window down and turning the radio up, she drove all the way there; praying that she wouldn’t fall asleep on the way, she was appreciative that she hadn’t when she parked in the hospital parking lot.

Opening the door, she got out and steadied herself. Finding it suddenly hard to breathe, she leaned a hand against the roof of her car, and took a minute before finding the strength to walk across the parking lot. 

The hospital doors opened, and she walked into a busy waiting room. The setting seemed familiar and it didn’t click until she had walked in that it was probably the place Cal had taken her; it was the perfect distance from both her home and the office.

She stopped to scan the waiting room, and that’s when she saw him. She gave a sigh of relief; that must have been what Anna had been trying to tell her before she left. When a path was cleared, she saw a little girl in his arms—sleeping.

Sophie. Her heart leapt—especially seeing Cal of all people holding her. Emily was seven when they had met for the first time. Ever since then, she had never seen him hold a child in his arms, and looking as uncomfortable as a fish out of the water as he was now.

He looked up at her, watching as she made her way through a crowd of people. She looked more worn than before, which pressed more concern. Some of the color had returned to her cheeks, and her body language suggested that she had less weight on her shoulders and a sense of relief.

When he looked at her, she could tell that he was fishing for anything; the concern imminent as she got closer.  When she did, she touched his shoulder lightly in greeting and stood next to him. “How is she?” Her eyes flickered towards the ER doors.

Adjusting in his seat, he sensed the tension between them, and the heat rolling off her skin. “The doctor says Ava is stable. She had a couple of seizures when she came in to the office this morning.”

“The office? I just talked to her yesterday.”

He took in a sharp breath. “It seems like she lied to you about how sick she really was, love.” The tone of his voice was genuine. It wasn’t hard to figure out why Ava had come back: she had felt guilty for lying, and when she hadn’t been at the office—Ava had sought out Cal.

Her voice was quiet, half in thought. “How long?”

 “A week—at the most.”

Eyes drifting down to Sophie, her eyes held sorrow for the little girl in his arms.  “No wonder she was pushing for me to take Sophie.”Just then, the little girl took in a deep breath in sleep. That was the finally straw; Gillian was so exhausted that a stray tear ran down her cheek.

“Want to talk about it?”

Looking up at him with eyes glinting with unshed tears, she let out a choked sob. “No.”

He gave a subtle nod, like he was going to say something else, but stopped himself. When he said nothing further, she leaned back in her chair and close d her eyes. Almost instantly, she could feel herself falling into a dream state—and before she knew it, she was standing in the middle of a dark road. 

It felt like déjà vu. Her heart pounding in her chest and as she turned not to see anyone but Cal standing there with Sophie in his arms and Emily standing beside him. They were smiling and calling to her to come with them.

She couldn’t have been asleep more than ten minutes, when she felt her hands on her knee. “Mommy?” Gillian gasped, sitting up. She was faintly aware of footsteps coming towards her—Cal’s. 

Cocking a bleary eye towards Sophie, her eyes flickered up to his familiar concerned glance. He was carrying two coffees—and when she sat up, he handed it to her. “Thanks.”

“You’re angry.” He offered bluntly, taking a sip of his own coffee.

Sighing, she took another sip and let the warm coffee slide down her throat. “You’re my best friend, Cal— but you have to understand that I don’t want to be pushed and be asked questions, like I’m some client that just walked into the office.” She paused, offering a small smile to Sophie who was focusing on moving the doll’s hands and legs back and forth. Looking up at her for a brief moment, Sophie returned back to playing.

“Is that why you left? You know ever since she woke up, she’s been playing right at your feet.” He looked amused, gesturing over to Sophie, who had set the doll on the chair next to her; toddled over to the block table and was grasping a few blocks in her hand.

“No, that’s not why I left, and you know it.”Gillian offered, slapping his shoulder with meaning. She leaned forward, talking quietly to the little girl and taking the block into hand, before turning back to him.

“You’re right. I do know why you left.”

She gave him a look that equaled to “don’t want to know” and they both polished off the rest of their coffee. He took both his and her empty cup and threw it in the garbage—just as a doctor walked in from the ER.

“Dr. Lightman?”

Turning, Cal walked up to him. “I’m Dr. Lightman.” Gillian joined him as Sophie clung onto Gillian’s pants. “My colleague, Gillian Foster. How is she?”

 The doctor gave his greeting, gesturing with his pen. “And this must be Sophie.” The older doctor had a rounded face; dimples forming as he gave a smile to the little girl who hid behind Gillian’s leg. “Ava hasn’t stopped talking about her since she got here.”

“So she’s awake?” Gillian inquired, as the little girl raised her arms girl to be picked up.

“In and out. The cancer is spreading quickly. It seems she had seizures due to a high fever and infection that’s coursing throughout her body. We began antibiotics to help slow down the infection, but we can’t guarantee that it will take away the infection.”  

“How long?” Gillian asked, picking up Sophie up in her arms. The little girl immediately took interest in playing with her hair. Just holding her again, calmed her beating heart. It was a bit of a shock that Ava could have less time than just a week.

The words didn’t seem to have a clear affect, but as she looked down at her, Gillian knew that the hurt was there somewhere.

“Right now, it’s too soon to tell. If I had to guess, I would say that she doesn’t have maybe more than a couple days. We’re going to move her up to a room upstairs and try to make her as comfortable as possible. If you’ll excuse me. I’ll send for one of the nurses to come and get you in a couple minutes, before we move her upstairs.”  He nodded over towards the nurse’s station.

“Thank you.”

The doctor efficiently ended the conversation and was walking back towards the doors, when he turned back around mid-thought.“Also—a social worker will be by to talk to you tomorrow morning. Excuse me.”

Gillian started to speak, when the doctor walked back in the other direction.  All she could do now was look at the little girl in her arms that she had once held, and didn’t yet realize that things were about to change.