May I: Distracted

Contemplating going to see Ava at the hospital, with Sophie in the back seat—Gillian had been preparing all morning to see her. That is until she heard the news of the bus explosion coming over the car radio.

Thinking about what Cal had said last night—something about this case, tugged at her. She turned around in a shopping parking lot and had gotten to the office within an hour. It hadn’t occurred to what she was going to do with Sophie as she picked her up and went through the back entrance of the building.

Luckily, the little girl had fallen asleep just before they had arrived. Gillian had frowned at the little girl. It could have just been that the last little while had been rough for both Ava and Sophie, but she was starting to get concerned that she was sleeping so much.

Knowing that she was going to be out for a little while, Gillian took out her keys; locking the office door behind her. After putting her on the couch to sleep, she told herself that she would check on her in a little while, but right now—there was a case that would keep her mind occupied.

Most everyone was in the conference room, watching the ongoing news about the bus explosion. She spotted Loker and stood near him. He looked surprised that she was there, but he was focused on everything surrounding the bombing.

Then he spoke, ever so absently. “Weren’t you taking a personal day?”

“I was.” Eyes flickering from him to the TV, she took in a deep breath. “Cal is going to want to see this.” She spoke softly, watching the ongoing news. She heard a rustling noise beside her, and watched as he walked out of the room.

He returned about five minutes and stood beside her. Cal gave her a wordless look as he passed; watching her stand there in a grey skirt and shirt, with a blue shirt underneath. It wasn’t an understatement when he saw her there, after deliberately telling her not to come today. His words seemed to be hitting deaf ears, and that was irritating enough.

His phone rang, which brought him out of thought.

With all sorts of commotions in the background, he heard Agent Reynolds voice come over the phone. “Yeah . . . yeah, I’m watching.”

“Good, because we need both you and Foster down here—“

Cal knew exactly what he needed them to do, listened impatiently. There was a heightened fear: in both the room and at the scene. The last thing he told him was that they would be there soon and then he hung up. “That was Reynolds. Foster, you’re with me. Loker—you and Torres find whatever you can on this bombing incident.” He waved out and he left the room quickly, with Gillian following right behind him.

His body language showed he was irritated, almost bothered that she was there. Although in his eyes, he didn’t show much surprise. In a way, he had expected her to show up, but at the same time—he had wished that she hadn’t.

“Where’s Sophie?”

“She fell asleep when we were driving here—so I put her on the couch in my office.” Rubbing at the side of her cheek tiredly, she ran her fingers through her hair.

“That seems the place to be—doesn’t it?” Recognition sparkled in his eyes, along with a bit of disdain for this particular piece of furniture. He had covered her body with the blanket, after discovering that she had been sleeping in her office.

Giving him a look, she leaned against the side of the door. “Yeah, I suppose that was a bit of a cheap shot, wasn’t it?” Inquiring, he already knew the answer, and started walking out the door.

She touched him on the shoulder as he passed. “I need to work.”

“Sophie needs a mother.” He stated firmly, with the keys in his hand. “When I had Em, I wasn’t always there for her. There are things that I missed with her that I can no longer change. If you’re going to keep her, take care. Let her know that you’re there.”

“You’re hoping that I take her.”

“I’m not just hoping, love.” And with that, he went down the hallway and around the corner out of sight. The only thing that she could do was go back to her office and sit next to Sophie, who was still asleep. She ran her hand through her hair a little more confidently this time.

“I guess it’s just you and me.”  Gillian whispered, picking her up and sneaking out the back door. After buckling her in, she drove to the hospital. It turns out the hospital had been trying to call her repeatedly to get some antibiotics to her for her pneumonia.

She also had Sophie looked at by her pediatrician—who had thankfully squeezed them in—assured her that everything was normal with Sophie. He sent out a blood test just for good measure and told her that the test would be back by the end of the week. But now was the hard part: visiting Ava.

Sophie deserved to see her mother one last time—but she worried what lasting effect this would have on Sophie. The little girl who had been constantly asking for her mother.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“My name is Gillian Foster. I’m here to visit a patient that was admitted here yesterday.”

“And the patient’s name?”

“Ava” Gillian drew in a breath, thinking of her last name. It had been forever since she had thought about it. “Ava Keller.” I looked up at her, my eyes flickering around the room—then back on Sophie, who was looking up at me as I held her in my arms.

Her eyes were full of sleep; slightly glazed over, upon waking up just a few minutes prior as we were walking towards the hospital.

“Just a minute. I’ll check to see if Ava is up for visitors.” The woman behind the desk typed something into her computer for the information that she needed, and picked up the phone.

 “Hey, Jen? It’s Kennedy at the front desk. Hey—can you check to see if Ava Keller is up for a visitor.” A pause. “Thanks.”

Looking intently at her, Sophie brushed her hands over her cheeks. “Sad?” Shaking her head, she watched Sophie change thought while brushing her hand over her cheek a second time. “Yes.”

“No, Sophie.” Pressing her hands down, she knew that she was lying, unable to hide the sadness in the tone of her voice.

“Thanks.” The woman at the front desk hung up the phone and turned her attention towards her. “Gillian—If you’d go over to that door, they’ll go ahead and buzz you in.”

“Thank you.” Gathering Sophie into her arms, Gillian walked across the room. She paused with her hand on the door, hesitating before she finally pushed herself to walk in. A nurse directed her towards the room and showed them in.

“Sophie?” Ava offered weakly as she tried to raise her head up from off the pillow. The TV was on in the corner, but the woman wasn’t watching it at all. Instead, her gaze had been on the door. She had been expecting them to come.

“Mommy.” The little girl wiggled from Gillian’s grasp and ran over to the bed. She reached her arms up to be lifted up. Gillian stayed standing at the door, just watching them.

“Honey, I can’t.” Her fingers ran through her blonde hair. “Gillian, thank you for coming.”

Ava looked almost frail now, tears in her eyes. On her head was a bright green cap. “Can you come sit . . . please?”

It took a minute but she walked towards her and sat down quietly, beside the bed. Sitting to the side, the room grew silent. 

“Gillian, I . . . I don’t know what to say that will make you feel any better.” 

“I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’m just a bit distracted.”

“I can see that.” Giving a weak smile, her hand brushed over Sophie’s hair again. “And can see that this wasn’t the best time to spring this on you.” She gave a weak cough in the other direction. “But I didn’t know what else to do.”

Gillian blinked. “You couldn’t have known.”

“But I did. I knew that I had cancer—just couldn’t afford the treatment. I thought if anything happened, she would always have her . . . always have her—” And then she grew silent. Putting a hand to rest on her shoulder, Gillian knew what Ava was trying to say. She had always thought that her boyfriend would be around, just like Gillian thought that her ex-husband would. She knew exactly how she felt; how shattered she felt, the tears that had constantly fallen, and how she had to piece her broken life back together as best as she could.

After that, there wasn’t much talking. Gillian left with Sophie about a half an hour after they had arrived. Sophie cried for a few minutes after Ava hugged her, and she didn’t stop until about ten minutes in the car, and resorted to staring out the window all the way home.

As they were pulling up into the driveway, Gillian saw a familiar face and groaned. This is not how she wanted her day to go.