May I: You Okay?

As they were driving back to the office, Ben tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to see if Cal was paying attention, or if he was zoned out in his own thoughts. Ben quickly concluded the latter, and focused his eyes back on the road.

Pretty soon, Cal was fiddling with tuning the radio, and Ben scowled impatiently. “Would you not touch the radio while I’m driving?” Grasping the steering wheel tightly, he exhaled. “Look—whatever is going on with you and Gillian is none of my business—”

“You’re right—it’s not.” Cal confirmed, taking his phone out of his pocket and hitting the button to listen to his voicemail, before putting the phone up to his ear. “But if you really want to know—“Slightly distracted, he let the pause pick up a sort of a suspenseful outlook. “I think should leave that up to Foster to tell us where she’s been, shall we?” Plugging his ear to listen to the message, their conversation was temporarily on hold.

When he pocketed the phone again, Ben chimed in. “So you’re telling me that you don’t know where Foster is . . . at all?”

 “Nah, I know where she is. It’s if she’s stayed there that I’m worrying about.” He offered vaguely, pointing towards an exit up ahead. “We need to head back to the office.”

“Any particular reason—or are you just going to keep me guessing the whole time we’re driving?”Slightly irritated, Ben continued heading up the road, while keeping an eye on the upcoming turn that he would be making.

“Guessing would be fun any other day of the week.” Cal paused, patting his coat pocket. “That was Zoe. She’s dropping off Em at the office as we speak. Some work thing that she has to go to because of the bombing.”

“Good thing we’re close by then.” Pushing down the gas pedal, the rest of the ride over was silent. When they pulled into the parking lot, Cal stepped out of the car and walked swiftly towards the building: where he knew that Zoe and Emily were waiting.

When he arrived, Zoe was leaning against the front desk—casting concerned glances at Emily, while checking her phone. Their daughter on the other hand was wide-eyed with her hands folded across her chest.

“Hey. You okay.” Cal asked, wrapping his hands around his daughter in a comforting hug.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Emily answered meekly, as she pulled back; she met her father’s stare. The building seemed rather empty, even though she knew that most everyone was busy with this particular case.

“You sure?” Cocking his eyebrow, Cal wasn’t quite convinced at her response. He knew that she was lying, but there was something in her words that told him that this wasn’t just about the bombing.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Her eyes flickered over to her mom, who was constantly looking at her phone.

“How about you?”

“I’m Fine.” Zoe answered, looking at her phone again. “I was going to stay home with her, but the DOJ wants everyone in. Didn’t want to her to be alone.”

“I would have been fine.” Emily broke in, muttering.  Although a small part of her was okay with the fact that she was there—the other part was pretty freaked out about the bombing that had happened just recently.

“Department of Justice is the target.” Stating the fact, he knew already that it wasn’t going to help. The sparkle in their eyes, were no longer there. He could tell that she was worried: about their daughter’s safety, her own, his, friends, neighbors, and especially the people that she worked with.

“That’s why I’m leaving her with you.” Offering she ignored the look in his eyes that were pleading for her not to go in. It was clear that he still had a special kind of love for her, even though they were divorced. “I have to go in, Cal.”

“You know I don’t see why you couldn’t have just dropped me off at Dan’s.” Emily interjected, frowning slightly as she folded her arms tighter across her chest.

Zoe sighed, clearly not wanting to get this right now. “Because Dan’s parents aren’t home. And the last time that Dan’s parents weren’t home—”

“You’re lecturing me about sex?” Emily inquired, her voice rising considerably.

“Hey, we have bigger issues here.” Nodding, Cal chimed in; temporarily breaking the disagreement between his ex-wife and daughter.

“I wish that you didn’t have to go in.”

“It’s my job. I’ve got to go.” With that, Zoe efficiently ended the conversation and walked away. He didn’t have time to argue, because Reynolds was walking back towards him.

---

Ryan walked back into the house, as Sophie ran back to Gillian. Hiding behind her knee, he danced the doll back and forth, as if it had come to life. “My doll? I can’t believe mom and dad kept this all these years.” Taking it into her hands, Gillian smoothed back the blonde hair that was pulled into a ponytail. Her bangs were covering one of the doll’s emerald eyes as she pushed the hair to the side.

“They knew how much the doll meant to you. Even when you were a teenager—that doll was always close by. I know you didn’t want anyone else to know that, but it was.” 

“Thanks.”

“Maybe it can help you now.” There was an underlining question underneath it all, as he sat back down on the edge of the coffee table.

“I used to tell everything to this doll when I was younger.” Her brother didn’t look surprised; knowing that he had often watched her from peeking into the room. Peering from over her knees, Sophie watched the doll with a sparkle in her eyes, and a big smile appeared on her face after Gillian handed her the doll. “Except, I’m not the only one who likes it now.” Hugging the doll to her chest, Sophie rocked the doll as she hugged it to her chest.

“Like mother, like daughter.” He watched her happily, as Sophie planted a kiss on the doll’s lips. “If anything—do it for Sophie.” She looked up at him, knowing exactly what he was asking her to do. “Do it for yourself, Gillian. But don’t let this guy get into your head. This little girl deserves a mother that she knows is always going to take care of her, no matter what. A mother that knows that she deserves just as much happiness—if not more. I know that you’ll talk to someone when you’re ready . . . just please, don’t wait too long.” He stood, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be staying with a friend until Monday.” Handing her a piece of paper, he slipped out the front door. 

It took her a little while to move after that. Gillian stared at the front door as if it were some kind monster that was waiting for a fight. Gradually, she got the urge to stand. Sophie took her other hand that was idly by her side; the doll tucked underneath her arm for safe keeping.

Together, they locked the door; knowing that Ryan was already gone. He looked so uncomfortable seeing her like this. It was clear that he hadn’t intended to stay long, but wanted to see her visually to make sure that she was doing alright.

A wave of guilt ran through her. Guilt, that she had let her see him this way. For making him worry, when he shouldn’t have to. Yes, he was her big brother—and had every right to watch over her and protect her, even when she didn’t want him to. Besides, this wasn’t the only time that she had left him worrying.

Next came fear; that crept upon her, like a vine that was cutting off her oxygen supply. That led her to push everyone away that she loved: Cal, Ria, Reynolds, and Eli— especially. They all reminded of her of the night that she had been attacked. Her office, reminded her of the countless nightmares when she had about being attacked—and anxiety that coursed through her veins when she thought about where to even begin.

Things that she had read and learned as a psychiatrist—screamed at her to pay attention. Despite that she was the victim—not the doctor at the moment— Gillian was willing at this point: to throw everything right out the window, until Sophie had come along.

Before she could think of it further, there was a knock on the door. She assumed that Ryan had come back, but when she opened it, Corbin was standing on her front porch. “Ah, Gillian. I’m sorry to come by unannounced but I wanted to give you these.”He took out some keys from his pocket and held them up. “Their keys to Ava’s house and car. Now I went through the liberty of pulling everything of Sophie’s out of the car. That is if you’re planning on keeping her.” His lips were pulled into smile, as if he already knew the answer.

“I am.” The words caught her by surprise. Even though she had confirmed it in her mind—she had had never actually said the words out loud, until now.

“And she’s been doing well here, I assume.” He peered in, giving Sophie a half wave. The little girl stared at him with a look of recognition, but went back to hugging the doll. “Ava told me, that you came to see her today. Thank you for doing this. I’ve known Ava for awhile now and she doesn’t trust easily. I think it’ll give her some peace of mind before she passes away.” Looking at her cautiously, he inquired. “Are you okay?” 

“I just have a lot of things to think about.” Gillian offered, hoarsely.

Pressing his lips together, Corbin nodded and handed her the keys. “Let me know if there’s anything that I can do. Oh, and I’ve already talked to the social worker—” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a card. “—and she’s agreed to come in about three weeks to make sure that Sophie is adjusting.” 

“Thank you.”

"Her name is Ashley Petelson." He pointed out on the card, before handing it to her. "She can help you with anything you need." Gillian nodded as Sophie toddled up and balled her fist around the edge of her shirt. "You be good for Gillian." Ruffling her hair slightly, he pointed out. "And the lip marks on the window? Good touch. I'll be contacting you later to finalize the adoption papers." With that, he turned on his heels and left.