May I: Involvement

Usually Gillian would have sat down next to Cal when they all had dinner together. Tonight however, she had seated herself on the other side of Emily. Sophie had climbed into Gillian’s lap, refusing to get off—but that could have something to do with the fact that she had a banana in her hand.

Before she could get it cut up, Sophie had stuffed most of it into her mouth. Emily was the first to notice. “Somebody was hungry.” Gillian peered around and Sophie looked over at her, eyes sparkling with a devious smile.

Gillian took the napkin and wiped some of the dribble off Sophie’s chin. She offered a small smile, and the little girl finished chewing—followed by a big gulp. 

After that, it was a relatively quiet dinner. They had made some small talk, but usually it was awkward silence as forks scraped against their plates. Sophie had done pretty well feeding herself, besides getting some of it on her and on the floor. With a closer look, dinner was all over her face. 

Emily turned towards her dad, leaning her chin on the palm of her hand. “Dad.” She called to him.

“Yeah, Em.” Wiping his face with the napkin, he threw it on his plate and began clearing the dishes from the table. He could see the concern riding in his daughter’s eyes, as she looked over at Gillian, who was still sitting with Sophie on her lap.

“When you brought Gillian here, she didn’t ask you to . . . did she?” She knew the answer to the answer was clear that he hadn’t. “Then why did you do it?”

“Sometimes we do things for the people that we care about and love.” Just as he said that, he looked over at Gillian. Their eyes met, and then she looked away and helped Sophie climb off her lap.

The little girl tiredly rubbed at her eyes as they walked over. Her little hand was holding tightly to the edge of her shirt. Gillian still looked tense, but gave Em an appreciative glance.” Her hand touched her shoulder, as Cal walked off into the other room. She watched him as he touched his pockets, knowing that he had read her thoughts about wanting to go home.

“Thanks for dinner.” She touched her shoulder in appreciation. Sophie was leaning her head against Gillian, eyes drooping.

“Sure.” Emily nodded back, walking past her and reached into the cupboard for some containers to put the leftovers in. “You’re not staying here then?”

“No. I really want to get home and sleep in my own bed.”

“Oh. And Sophie . . . what happens to her? My dad told me that something happened with her mom and had to take her to the hospital.” She paused, before turning and stuffing the noodles into the container.

“She’s staying with me.”  Cal walked back into the room, and she let the conversation hang in the air. That and Sophie was now leaning against her, half-asleep. When she picked her up, she noticed that her shoulder was barely hurting now; even as the little girl laid her head down on it. She went upstairs to grab her purse and the envelope and walked back down. “I’ll see you later, Em.”

“Bye.” Emily called back as she watched her dad open the door for her.

“I’ll be back in a little while.” He told her, as Gillian walked past him. ”Get your homework done.” He waited for his daughter to nod, and for Gillian to walk out before closing the door behind him.

He had barely closed the door, when she glared at him. “What were you thinking, Cal? Getting Emily involved in this?”

“Emily is fully capable of making her own decisions.”

“She’s fifteen!” She got Sophie buckled up, with only a slight struggle. “She doesn’t have much of a choice.” Shooting him a knowing look, she rounded behind the car and opened the passenger door and got in.

He got in a few seconds before she had and was starting the engine. She buckled up and looked out the window for the remainder of the ride. The passing scenery was a comfort to avoid falling asleep again in car again. And to take her mind off that she could hear Sophie breathing heavily in the backseat from time to time.

Every time she did, it reminded Gillian that she was taking this little girl home with her. Unprepared indefinitely for what she was getting herself into for agreeing to take her, Gillian wasn’t exactly relieved when they pulled up in front of her house.

“You okay, love?” He had asked her as she didn’t answer, and instead stumbled out onto the asphalt. The urge to just run inside was tugging at her, but a cry from inside the car brought her back. Chest heaving, she went around to the car, and noticed that Cal had already gotten out to help.

He handed a very sleepy Sophie to her, while he unhooked the booster seat. Slowly, she rubbed at the little girl’s back, not knowing quite what to say. “You carry Sophie. I’ve got the seat.” He offered, knowing there was no way that she could carry both.

Sighing gratefully, they walked slowly up stairs that led to the front door. He walked in back, to safeguard that both her and Sophie wouldn’t fall down the stairs. And when she couldn’t reach her keys, he managed to grab them from her purse and unlock the door.

Stepping into the house, she flipped on the lights. “We’ll be fine, Cal.” She fielded the look that he was giving her.

“It’s not her that I’m worried about.” His eyes were intense as they looked back over her. She looked so fragile, thin and worn. “Don’t even think about stepping back into the office until you’re better. I don’t want you taking out the whole staff.” There was a subtle smirk on his face, as he set the booster seat next to the door.

“Goodnight.” She offered softly, brushing her hand over his shoulder as he left. He looked back at her, and then disappeared from sight. She closed the door, and locked up before taking Sophie upstairs.

Laying her down softly on her bed, she took off her little shoes and set them down on the nightstand. She let out a sigh; the comforter was pulled over her body and then she settled. Gillian’s hand tentatively touched her blonde strands, before pulling the comforter up a little tighter around her and turned off the light.

She walked back downstairs, leaving the door cracked open just in case. Picking up the discarded blanket, she folded it back up and set it on top of her couch; then the thermometer and cup—setting them by the sink.

Looking around, she thought about Sophie and how she was upstairs sleeping. Grabbing a glass from the cabinet, she poured herself a glass and swirled it around in the glass before taking a small sip.

Staring off absently, she polished off the rest of the liquid and poured herself another. As she took another sip, she thought about how she was going to have a career and raise a child.

She thought about what Ava had said in her letter, and set her glass on the counter. Forgetting that she still had her purse over her shoulder, she set it down and grabbed the envelope and read the letter again . . . then again for good measure.

As she pulled out the packet of papers next, she read vaccination and hospital records: a birth certificate that showed the name of Sophie’s mother and father; her birth date and which hospital she had been born at.

At the time, that she and Alec were going to adopt Sophie, they hadn’t gotten much information on her. All the paperwork were coming through slowly, and by the time that they had gotten everything, Ava had decided to take the little girl back.

That’s when everything got hard. They sent everything back, but Gillian was sure that neither one of them had forgotten her birthday each year. July 23^rddidn’t need to be marked on her calendar for her to remember.

Draining the rest of the liquid, she put the glass in the sink, and the bottle of wine back into the fridge, and thought about her life with Alec; his drug addiction, the marriage, divorce and how everything had gone down.