Kevin James Clark had never been an emotional guy, or one to talk out his emotions very often. Like his dad—who I had met many times during our marriage—Kevin was more the silent and manly type. He didn’t truly start showing affection until after Sophie had been born.
He had been proud when Patrick had played with GI Joes, and had a love of airplanes of all kinds. When Sophie came along: she truly had him wrapped around his finger.
She had often cried for her daddy when he wasn’t there, which often made days and nights
difficult. I remember being in the other room when the two of them had finally sat down together to talk. The words he spoke to her that day, never left my mind.
“Do you remember what you told Sophie when she was afraid of you deploying?” I asked, intertwining my fingers with his.
“She was what . . . three?” I nodded back, as I fought the tiredness. “All I remember was you begging me to talk to her. “
“You said. . . Sophie, I will never leave your heart—no matter where I am.”
He straightened slightly, as if he were recalling the memory. “Be good for your mother because she’s part of my heart too.” Their daughter’s eyes had had lit up, her arms wrapping around his neck.
“We raised some pretty good kids, Jackie. I wish that I could have been there more—for them and for you. ”
“Even when they were little, they knew that you had a duty to our country. They are proud of you Kevin.”
“They’re proud of you too, Jackie.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Patrick liked to try and take his toy cars with him to school, and I would make him leave them in the car. He would get so mad that his face would turn beet red. That was until I told him that he would be able to play with them on the way home. Sophie would refuse to get in her seat, and would cry the whole way over.” Choking on my words, I knew these were some of the things that I knew that Kevin had never heard. “I didn’t always feel like a good mother.”
“Jackie, why didn’t you ever tell me how you really felt? Why didn’t you ever tell me that you felt alone?”
“It was my job to make sure that you never worried. I didn’t want something at home to affect what you were doing there when you were deployed. I wanted you to come home safe and sound. . . I knew that Patrick and Sophie wanted their father to come home to them too. I needed them to know that you were okay, and that nothing was going to happen to you.” By this time tears were streaming down my face. “When I didn’t hear from you for days, I would tell them that you were okay.”
Pulling me into a hug, Kevin held me tight. All the years of emotions that had been tightly spun into a web of strength, I finally was able to release all of it. He sighed into my neck as I cried for what seemed like hours that were only minutes.
I tapered off; finally worn down as we held each other close. Somehow, I wished that we were in the safety of our own home, where no one could hear our ongoing battles. I felt ashamed that I had broken down, but it felt so good that I never wanted these moments of closeness to end.
Finally there was a knock on our door, and we had both fully expected it to be Dr. Landry with the test results. When the door opened, we were both surprised to see Denise standing there.
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “I can come back.” Kevin exchanged a glance with me and slid off the bed, leaving us alone.
“Here.” Denise handed me a few tissues, holding onto the box as she sat down in the seat next to the bed. “I can’t help but ask . . . is everything alright between you and Kevin?”
I swallowed, as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I told him about the pills.”
"Just now?”
Shaking my head, I went on. “Last night. I’ve never seen him so gentle, and I burst out into tears when I told him to look in the bottom drawer to find the empty bottle. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“There are things Frank never knew, until after Jeremy died and I had Molly. It’s not easy balancing the army and home life, Jackie. That’s why we have each other, and you need to know that you can come to us for anything. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did, and I’m proud of you for that. What happened to the pills?”
“The night of the banquet, Roxy and Gloria had taken me home. I was trying to get some work done, and Kevin called to say that the army had been exonerated from any wrong doing and that he wouldn’t have been able to have gotten this far in his career if it weren’t for me. I got up and took the pills out of my purse and threw them down the drain.”
Denise smiled. “You deserve all the happiness that life can give you. Did they start you on a withdrawal schedule?”
“Yeah. I take enough to last me for the day, and slowly I’m working through it.”
"Good. When we all recover, we should together and do something that we would all enjoy.”
“I don’t think I ever said this before . . . but I really could really go for a vacation right now.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, she patted my leg.
“Hang in there. In the meantime, I think they probably have your results by now—and I should get back to work. I’m hoping that you won’t still be here in a couple hours, but if you
are, I’ll stop in before I leave.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll see where Kevin is at.” With one more reassuring smile, she left and Kevin and the doctor entered. Thankfully they must have been nearby the room, talking.
“Okay Jackie—we have some good and bad news.” Dr. Landry added as Kevin wandered back over and sat down in the chair beside the bed. I took in a sharp intake of breath. “You have a certain food poisoning called Salmonellae—you’re also mildly dehydrated, which is causing some of your symptoms and making them feel worse than they are. I would like to keep you at least overnight and start you on some fluids, so we can replace those that you’ve lost. I would also like to start you on some anti-vomiting medicines and a fever-reducer that should
help so your body can rest and recover quicker.”
“What about when she gets released?”
“If everything goes as planned, I can probably release you tomorrow morning or afternoon, but I would advise taking it easy for the next one of two days afterward. With food poisoning you can start to feel better and then overdo it—only to end up right back here again.”
I intertwined my fingers with him again. He looked slightly relieved that I had to stay put for a little while, but I wasn’t exactly thrilled that I was spending the night. But if it helped me recover quicker, then I was all for getting back on schedule.
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