The Great Escape Bruises

Jackie/Kevin Clark Soundtrack (Army Wives) *Updated

Like the Callian soundtrack list, I'll also be updating this list occasionally :)

Last Updated 10/3/12

The Great Escape: Jackie

The Great Escape: Toast

The Great Escape: Cry

The Great Escape: Boundaries

The Great Escape: Hope

The Great Escape: Cry

The Great Escape: Boundaries

As we walked into the house, I sighed in relief. It felt so good to be home, but at the same time I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep. Between the necessary checkups from the nurses, having a fever and food poisoning—were just some of the reasons that I was exhausted in the first place.

Of course, I was also told that I took on too much. I never believed it to be true, until this moment. When I was surrounded by friends, and realized that never accepting second best wasn’t always the greatest option.

The Great Escape: Hope

The anti-nausea medicine seemed to work its magic. I felt so much better than the last day or so. I was able to keep down more than just liquids, and the occasional bits of food. Kevin arrived later in the afternoon with a bag, and I changed into something more comfortable: a red shirt and jeans.

I was tolerating all the fluids; my fever had finally broken during the night. For lunch I was able to keep down some broth and applesauce, and because I had been vomiting and hadn’t eaten a whole lot of food for the past couple days, I was still feeling slightly weak as I got up and dug through the bag on the floor.

The Great Escape: Results

The Great Escape: Admit

The Great Escape: Kevin

The Great Escape: Need

The Great Escape: History

The Great Escape: Care

I heard the leaves crunching under their feet as they walked through the backyard. I knew that it was only seconds before they discovered where I was, so I turned around and walked back towards them.

I felt significantly better, but still slightly unsteady. I thought of what to tell them, but came up with nothing. Too late to turn around, and I hoped that it wasn’t obvious that I was not feeling well, not drunk.

“Claudia Joy.” I greeted, looking around the house. “Was that Denise I just heard?”

“Yeah.” In quick strides, Denise appeared beside her as they shared a look. It wasn’t hard to tell what they were thinking either. “We missed you at the meeting.”

The Great Escape: Absence

[Life goes on. It gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly.]

I thought about what I had confessed this afternoon, and wondered how quickly I could unravel. How quickly I could calm the urge to numb out the anger, with pills that I no longer had.  

As I pushed the wine onto the counter, it sloshed some, but I didn’t stop to clean it up. Instead I walked upstairs, and dug through my purse. When I found the container of tic tacs, I realized that it wouldn’t be as satisfying when I popped a couple into my mouth, but did so anyway and walked into the bathroom.

The Great Escape: Scars

{Look in these eyes; we know each other like our own skin and bones. We know the scars, how they got where they are, in places no else knows.}  

After the confession, I composed myself and began piling everything onto the platter for an easy clean up. My first thought being to wash everything, but I only ended up pushing everything onto the counter and walking back into the living room.  

When I sat down on the couch with a sigh of relief, I felt a bubble of emotion come to the surface. They were no longer tears of sadness, but of relief that somebody else knew my secret.

The Great Escape: Confessions

How does anyone deal with a great deal of anxiety, but in their own way?

For me I could no longer bottle up any of my anxiety any longer. Instead of seeing a good therapist, I was able to get a prescription. It was all too easy, and I certainly didn’t have to fake any of it because I was living in the emotion. At the same time, that prescription was a way to numb all the pressure that I was under. I guess I could call it: the great escape.

Army Wives: Hope Drawn Near

With the unexpected deployment last week, there were no words that couldn’t have been expressed: other than in a kiss of love and devotion; his hand that lingered on my swelling belly. And despite being about four weeks away from delivering our first child, all I could think about was him coming back home to us.

As usual, he couldn’t tell me how long they were going to be deployed or where they were going, so I always knew there was a remote possibility that I would go into labor before he came home. But as the days passed by and the weather grew stormier, with the possibility of a few minor storms—nothing could have prepared me for a tornado.