Friday, January 6, 2012

I'm Still Here: Lifeline

By the time Megan had returned back to the hotel, her mind was on the proposal that she had just accepted. Her fingers touched the edge of her lips where his lips had met hers, and she sat on the edge of the bed before pulling the pillow up against the wall and leaning against it for a moment before standing up again and walking over to her purse.

Hand reaching into her coat pocket she pulled out her father's number before wondering what she was doing. Unfortunately she was taken right to voicemail, but although she found her lips twitch in a smile she never thought that the sound of her father's voice could be so comforting, even if it was just a recording.



"It's Megan."Looking into the mirror was when she definitely found her reflection tired and worn. Rounded along the edges was an immense glow of happiness, satisfaction, excitement. In the middle of all that was where she looked tired and conflicted, where her voice faltered and softened, because once in her lifetime she didn't know where to start. "I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner." Her tone dropped in a softer tone.

This was the same man that she was going to; her father who she hadn't heard or spoken to in the last ten years, but they had now made contact. "Give me a call back when you get this message. I would greatly appreciate it." Her tone softened even more and she wondered what she was doing by calling him, and if it gave justice to the emotions running through her mind.

Tossing her phone back towards her purse, it lands on the desk with a thud. Rubbing her fingers through her hair she exhales and retreats to her bed as she places the pillow up against the wall. Her long legs hang over the side of the bed before letting them curl towards her body.


The longer she sits there, the more sleep begins to catch up with her. Her eyelids begin to droop, her head falls deeper into the pillow and she slowly drifts off, the only thing waking her almost five hours later was the sound of her phone ringing. Sitting up, she looked at the clock before standing up and making her way over to the desk.


As the phone snaps open, she exhales. "Reeves."


"This is your father. You end up falling asleep after taking Larry to the airport?" She raised her eyebrow, eyeing the clock from a distance.


Tossing herself out of the fog, she straightened. "I'm assuming you got my message?"


"I did, and I thought we could both do with a homier setting. Swing by the house at seven?" She took a moment to think about, her mind winding around memories of the house. Whether they were good or bad, she knew the home was a private place that would most likely calm the nerves, or ruin them.


Closing her eyes she reopened them being both relieved that they were not going out in public setting as her mind was full and all she wanted to bury her thoughts more fully at home-to wanting to return to that person that Larry saw in her but was hidden in plain sight and was somewhere she couldn't reach.


"A home cooked meal is probably what I need. If you're cooking that is."


"I most certaintly wouldn't miss it for the world and I seem to remember a certain little girl who loved lasagna." Megan cracked a smile, knowing that was her comfort food. Heaven knows she hadn't had it for so long, and it was a comfort to have.


"That sounds really good right now."




"I know." He smiled, confessing. "You remember how to get there?"


She swiped her hands through her hair, making her way to the bathroom. "The house is on the right-gated-long driveway. I think you're forgetting that I lived here for sixteen years." Megan commented, teasingly.


"A lot has changed since then Megan." He opened his mouth to say something but she knew this could possibly come to what was bugging her, or something about how much she had missed in the family. But a lot of her thoughts he wasn't cleared to know about, or how it had come to wreak havoc on her life, or how most possibly she didn't want to tell him or anybody for that matter the shame she held inside her.


"I know. I've got to get ready so I'll see you at seven." With that she closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and closed her phone.


That was close. Too close, she wondered how much longer she could dodge the bullets before she started really breaking. Exhaling, she ran her fingers through her hair which tossed it to the side. Her fingers edged the shower head on as it rained out drops of water. Her hand pulled on the shower curtain to shield her from getting wet. But that didn't stop the pressure from building inside of her as she delicately slipped out of her shirt, then her bra, pants, and undies.


As the mixture of air wrapped around her, she realized nothing was shielding her. Nobody was watching her as she stepped in the warm water that embraced her tired and worn body and nobody saw the tears that fell, one after the other. Nobody was watching.


Just as the water beat swiftly against her body, the tears came just as quickly down her cheeks. Her hand reached out to the side wall as her body wracked with sobs over and over as her hand grabbed the shampoo bottle, the he palm of other her hand resting against the tile, helping steady her as the sobs lightened up then grew heavy and caused her mind to focus on interrogation, feeling trapped and alone and so ashamed for being so ruthless, all over again.


Megan sobbed uncontrollably, letting her body slide down the wall. The water drizzled over her as if she had been lost in the middle of a rain storm and couldn't find her way back.


Despite it, she was letting everything out.

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